2008 May | Social Desire

Archive for May, 2008

Blogging the Status Quo

Social Desire will be featuring Guest Posts for the next few weeks. Today’s Featured Guest Post is by Chris Estes. He is a Frequent blogster at SEO by Chris

When I set out to help Shana I couldn’t come up with a topic. Topic block or writers block plagues lots of bloggers. If you are like me you want to write something people want to read or add value to the subject. That is often hard to do. I had a manager that was always asking “how does this add value?” Not all post add value, like this post, sometimes it is about the status quo.

A while back problogger posted “How to have a Constant Stream of Blogging Ideas”. In the article the authors acknowledge that everyday print newspapers aren’t filled with exciting or breaking news. The difference between bloggers and newspapers is typically bloggers are lone writers and do not have a staff to write articles like newspapers. So occasionally a generic blog post is necessary.

Problogger talks about setting up a blogging plan. On your calendar put two headings. 1. Post topic 2. Topic title. The topic title should be something that you can write about at any given time, generic topics if you will. Then follow the schedule and write it. But what about the breaking news and other off plan topics? Write them too and post them but still stick with the blogging calendar. Don’t substitute trade or move your calendar around. Post the planned topics on the days you plan and make the other breaking news flashes bonus post.

When setting up your calendar the topics can be hard to come up with. Do what I do. Pick one of your friends that aren’t tech savvy, my parents make good partners for me, and bounce Ideas off of them. The less tech savvy seem to always have an interesting take on your subject material. I get more of my posting ideas from explaining what I do than what they suggest to write about.

I hope you enjoyed the post and follow more of my post at Search Engine Optimization by Chris. I wanted to speak to Shana’s heart felt story about keeping her illness private and away from public view. I understand her situation with conditions of my own. Since I get to use SocialDesire.com as my own for a post I would like to give the greatest gift of charity we can do as marketers with a link. Because it will benefit me personally I charity link to the American Sleep Association (ASA).

See now you have A blog post Idea. Post a snippet of information about your charity and why you are giving them this link. Then once you put the post up come back and comment about it and share the link to your post. Giving back will only take you a couple seconds and plus it makes you look good.

Happy blogging!

The author Chris Estes is a Frequent blogster at SEO by Chris and has started a new business in Birmingham, AL – Birmingham Search Engine Optimization

Posted in Blogging, Guest Posts, Link Love, Social Media | 2 Comments »

Offline Reality Online

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

Social Desire will be featuring Guest Posts for the next few weeks. Today’s Featured Guest Post is by Peter Newsome of SiteMost.

Image by Lady-bug

Offline Reality Online

When I catch-up with friends we’ll usually talk about the highlights of our week, we’ll have a whinge about the things that got under our skin and we will vocalise our opinions some of the current events that we feel strongly about.

Take away the face-to-face interaction, convert the speech to text (although not in every case thanks to how easy it is to create and share audio and video content) and you have a blog.

When I get home from work, I’ll look through the cupboards and fridge and work-out what I’m going to make for dinner. Once I’ve made a decision, I’ll usually vocalise this to myself - “Tonight I’m going to make spaghetti bolognese!” (yes, I know that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity and a lot of my friends already think I am a little insane).

I’ll also continue talking to myself as I prepare the meal “a little bit of oregano, a dash of wine…” and as the TV is usually on in the other room, I’ll often make comments about the day’s stories “Interest rates are up again, there’s still conflict in the Middle East and Britney Spears did what?!?”

The above examples of small conversations that we have with ourselves everyday could easily be seen by having a quick skim through Twitter logs.

When you’re at school, the more friends you have, the ‘cooler’ you are – aka MySpace, Facebook etc. etc.

Take away the cheesy voice-over and Benny Hill music from ‘Funniest Home Videos’ and I’ve just described at least a third of YouTube’s content.

My mother sticks little yellow Post-It notes on the side of her computer monitor listing websites she’s found and wants to remember how to get back to them – if she understood what I was talking about when I tried to teach her about del.icio.us

For your daily dose of tabloid news in an online format you don’t need to look much further than Digg. And just like you’ll need Amy Winehouse throwing-up on your shoes if you want your pic in the tabloids, you’ll also need some Social Media Celebrity Endorsement if you want your articles to appear on the front-page of Digg.

So as you can see, most online social media has been inspired by something offline (even if the inspiration was far from the examples above, you still get the general idea). The only problem is that there is still a very big disconnect between the real and the virtual worlds.

It’s like comparing reality TV with actual reality. I don’t know who’s reality it is, but I can’t recall the last time someone locked me in a house with a bunch of strangers and recorded my every move whilst making me perform challenges like eating worms or pouring spiders on my head, or watched me painfully sing karaoke, or become a model, or survive on a desert island or made me lose half my body weight etc. etc.

Sure, it might be entertaining, but it certainly isn’t what happens to you and I on a daily basis.

I’ve met bloggers that write well, seem quite entertaining and have hundreds of subscribers but in person they are very shy and introverted or waaaay over the top and are incredibly annoying to have a conversation with.

Whereas other bloggers that only have a handful of regular readers have been charming, interesting and insightful when I’ve met them face-to-face.

There was a guy I went to school with who still lives with his parents, works for the local government in an accounting role, hasn’t changed one little bit from the weedy, nerdy, annoying guy from senior school… but his Facebook page says he has 300+ friends.

Now I’m not trying to say that one’s online persona is inversely proportional to how popular they are offline… there are some really great people that I’ve met who are very popular both online and offline.

Although I think that we should observe how the online world has taken most of its inspiration from the real world and as it continues to do this, there will become a requirement for social media mavens to genuinely be as interesting and insightful in reality as they are online. Otherwise they may find that the virtual reputation they’ve worked so hard to build won’t hold-up as the two worlds (offline and online) become one.

If you enjoyed this Guest Post you can check out more of Peter’s work at SiteMost. And, while you are at it subscribe to the SiteMost Feed.

Posted in Blogging, Guest Posts, Social Bookmarking, Social Media, Social Networking, Twitter, Web 2.0 | 1 Comment »

Not Asking for Help is Selfish…. Could this be??

Monday, May 26th, 2008

Image by gruntzooki

A couple of months ago I briefly mentioned that I had a Chronic Illness. It was something that was very difficult for me to do as I was afraid that mentioning it would make me look weak. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but if you have ever met me or if we ever spoke for any length of time you would understand why. I am a perfectionist….. an over achiever. Showing this side of me is not an easy thing for me to do. Would I feel any less about anybody else if I heard they had a chronic illness?? Of course not. Why then am I so hard on myself?? That answer, my friends, is a whole other story.

Not too long ago a friend of mine told me to ask for help. My response was, "I just can’t. It’s way too difficult." He told me that not asking people for help was a selfish thing to do.

What?? How could this be? In my mind not asking for help was me being tough…. me being selfless. How would anyone think that me "toughing it out" be selfish??

It took me a couple months into my Lupus Flair, two months of "toughing it out", to realize what Edward meant when he said that I was being selfish for not asking for help. But, I believe I have figured it out and I’m ready to no longer be selfish.

In the next few days you will notice Guest Posts on Social Desire. As painful as it was for me to ask, I posted a Tweet requesting guest blog posts about Social Media and Web 2.0. I was thrilled to find quite a few bloggers ready and willing to help me out.

Please bear with me as I rest a bit longer. God willing I will be heading back into my Lupus Remission shortly and I will be back "full force". In the meantime, please enjoy Social Desire’s guest posts. And, if you would like to be featured as a Guest Blogger on Social Desire please contact me.

Posted in Blogging, Guest Posts, Social Media, Twitter, Web 2.0 | 12 Comments »

Are teens today lacking in Interpersonal and Communicative Skills?

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

Image by BdwayDiva1

Are Texting & Social Media Platforms causing teens to lack in Interpersonal Communicative Skills?

I received a text from my oldest son last week that was very disturbing. He was obviously too freaked out to discuss the topic with me face-to-face and instead chose to tell me this uncomfortable piece of information via text messaging. I feel I’m a very "with it" mom when it comes to these things. Especially since being involved in Social Media is pretty much what I specialize in. But, after this particular text I was left wondering….

“Are teens today lacking in Interpersonal and Communicative Skills?”

Generations have been dealing with the change in Technology for Decades…

Rock-n-Roll
Television
Record Players
VCR’s
Telephones
Computer’s
Internet
eMail
Cell phones
Web 2.0
etc…

I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for any generation to make the transition and today’s generation is no exception. I use text myself, but I don’t use it to replace normal everyday conversation, but it appears that many of our teens do. Many of my friends and colleagues I spend time with online have children and I’m very curious of their thoughts on this…

Is Mobile Technology and Social Media taking away what our Children should be learning during face-to-face Communication?

When I was a teen growing up I was forced to discuss things with my parents face-to-face….. even the uncomfortable discussions. And, through each of these discussions, as difficult as they were, they each were a learning experience. Could Instant Messaging and Text be robbing our children from learning some social skills?

Teens are breaking up with boyfriends and girlfriends over text…. and this is completely normal. These uncomfortable discussions that all of us hated to have were all a learning experience for me. Mostly, I learned tact and empathy. Are our children growing up more selfish & cold because they can avoid these conversations entirely?

I was never an overly brave teen. I didn’t have as much confidence in myself as others and this made confrontation much more difficult for me. If I had social media platforms and mobile devices available to me back then I’m positive I would have been using them instead of how I had to deal with things.

Maybe I wouldn’t have succumb to peer pressure. Maybe I would have been braver in what I told my peers…. in saying, "No!!". Or, maybe I would have dealt with confrontation in ways that maybe teens are dealing with it now… "text and Instant Messaging".

This might not sound like a major issue, but after the text from my oldest son I’m not so sure about that.

I believe that many of the uncomfortable situations and confrontations I dealt with growing up taught me many things and made me into the person I am now. Who knows…. maybe I’m reading too much into this. But, I really don’t think so.

Teen Crushes

As I mentioned earlier I lacked a certain amount of confidence growing up, so certain things were especially difficult for me. For example, telling a boy I liked him. I remember having crushes growing up and the boy never knew. By the time I was in Junior High I was still extremely nervous to tell a boy I liked him, but I would try very hard to push through the fear. Making a point to talk to him, pausing by his locker, dropping something nearby to see if he would pick it up, and dialing the phone to call him. I say dialing the phone because unless one of my friends was calling for me I don’t think I ever stayed on the phone long enough to talk to the boy. Most of the time I would dial the phone number and once someone answered I would hand up. Thank Goodness this was before *69…. otherwise, I would have been busted for sure.

How would Texting & Social Media changed this process? Well, I wouldn’t have had to be brave and start a discussion… Simple texts are so much easier than real words. I would no long have to worry about blushing in front of a boy. He wouldn’t even have to know how nervous I was. There is no way via text he could hear my shaky voice, see my knees tap together from nerves or see me blush from fear. This fact would have given me the confidence to flirt via text.

What learning experience would I have missed out on? Over the years of pushing through my fear of talking to guys I built confidence. I learned what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. I realized that guys thought I was sweet when I blushed. Actually, over the years I wasn’t nervous to talk to most guys at all. My confidence increased enough that I could easily talk to a guy. Would teen develop this confidence if they were doing all interaction between themselves and guys via digital methods?

Breaking up with a guy

Okay, if telling a guy I liked him wasn’t bad enough….. breaking up with him was so much worse!! I hated making someone unhappy or feel bad about themselves. I am still horrible at that, but disappointment is a fact of life and dealing with it is part of it. Break ups can be some of the most difficult conversations to have, but to move to the next relationship… break-ups must be done.

Many of my friends were broken up with by notes in school. I was mortified by this and fortunate enough that this never happened to me. However, in High School I was in the middle of a long distance relationship, so all of our communication was via phone and "snail mail". We would see each other only on weekends.

How would a Break-up have been different if I had text or Social Media Platforms?

What makes a break-up so difficult is the confrontation. It’s usually not an easy conversation because many times the other person feels a bit under attack or defensive. Texting a break-up (which let me just state…. is cowardly and never okay in my book) erases any face-to-face contact. No confrontation. As a matter of fact you don’t have to answer any further calls or texts. This is an easy way out. There is something to be said about "closure", people!! How the heck do you get closure from a text or instant message? Unless, of course, the entire relationship was done via text or Instant Message then a break up should NOT be done in this fashion. I couldn’t imagine sending a text like….

"Have I told you just now how much I’m in love with U???
No??
Chew on it, have a nice life… "

Check out these other "Break-up Texts" . They are unreal!!

But, texts like the one above are being sent to innocent (or not so innocent) boys and girls everyday.

What I have learned from having to break up in a face-to-face way…

Break-ups hurt
Break-ups are an end to something that you might not be ready for
tact
empathy
sensitivity

Dealing with Friends and Social Life in High School

I know that Social Life in High School means a lot to teens. It meant a lot to me and still means a lot to kids. But, I also know that the peer pressure and saying, "No" can be a sticky situation. I would never want to go back and do high school over again due to the peer pressure I experienced. I dealt with the peer pressure the face-to-face way, but how are the kids dealing with it now-a-days?

Teens are using Social Media Platforms to deal with Peer Pressure.

They use text and instant messaging to say what’s on their minds. It not as confrontational. Sounds less threatening, right? Nope!! To get revenge these teens sometimes are using malicious ways to deal with their anger such as YouTube videos, MySpace & Facebook public messages, non-private instant messaging and other embarrassing ways. My thoughts are that because of the convenience of social media ways of dealing that these same platforms are giving teens a convenient & easy way to get revenge. This is making Peer Pressure tons worse than it was when I was growing up.

What I have learned from dealing with Peer pressure face-to-face?

knowing you have to deal with them face-to-face makes you be choosy who is your friend
Over time I realized what/who makes me happy
I don’t always have to say, "Yes" to everything
Could shut down the peer voices after school…. with text, Instant Messaging & other Social Media platforms this is much more difficult.

I’m wondering if the lack of closure causes a teen’s need for revenge? Could it be that communicating verbally face-to-face with someone forces closure? Maybe with text and instant message there is no "end".

Telling Parents Bad News

I would like to think that conversations with parents hasn’t changed much since I was growing up. But, even I know that’s not the case. I already admitted that my son text me a message that he should have talked to me about in person. Why did he do this? Because he felt it would be easier. Was it? Well, probably. Temporarily anyway. And, probably by the time he approached me in person I calmed down quite a bit. Did he learn as much from the whole experience…. I’m not so sure.

And, I have some fond memories of when I was growing up of conversations with my mother. I also have some memories of scary conversations with my mom. But, bottom line…. they were face-to-face conversations. They were banter back and forth that I believe made a difference in my life. Not only did I learn something from it, but I also bonded with my mom. And, there is one other thing that it left me with… something I can smile at later. Embarrassing situations that I can smile at because I survived. Something I can laugh at by myself or conversing with my sister.

I look back on those moments with my mom fondly…. now. However, had I had the opportunity to get out of a sticky situation in an easier fashion I totally would have.

Which brings to me back to the question, " Are teens today lacking interpersonal communicative skills?"

What do teens have a fear of??

Confrontation
Rejection
Disappointment
Failure
Embarrassment

What are they missing out learning??

tact
sensitivity
empathy
respect
anger management
communication skills

I asked the following question to my friends on Twitter, "What would have been different 4 you had you had text & IM as teen? How would Break-ups, dating, peer pressure been different?" This were some of the answer I received: Click on the image to see in full size & with Profile Links