Social Desire

Written on May 2, 2008 – 11:05 am | by Shana Albert |

 
Image by BdwayDiva1

Are Texting & Social Media Platforms causing teens to lack in Interpersonal Communicative Skills?

I received a text from my oldest son last week that was very disturbing. He was obviously too freaked out to discuss the topic with me face-to-face and instead chose to tell me this uncomfortable piece of information via text messaging. I feel I’m a very "with it" mom when it comes to these things. Especially since being involved in Social Media is pretty much what I specialize in. But, after this particular text I was left wondering….

“Are teens today lacking in Interpersonal and Communicative Skills?”

Generations have been dealing with the change in Technology for Decades…

• Rock-n-Roll
• Television
• Record Players
• VCR’s
• Telephones
• Computer’s
• Internet
• eMail
• Cell phones
• Web 2.0
• etc…

I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for any generation to make the transition and today’s generation is no exception. I use text myself, but I don’t use it to replace normal everyday conversation, but it appears that many of our teens do. Many of my friends and colleagues I spend time with online have children and I’m very curious of their thoughts on this…

Is Mobile Technology and Social Media taking away what our Children should be learning during face-to-face Communication?

When I was a teen growing up I was forced to discuss things with my parents face-to-face….. even the uncomfortable discussions. And, through each of these discussions, as difficult as they were, they each were a learning experience. Could Instant Messaging and Text be robbing our children from learning some social skills?

Teens are breaking up with boyfriends and girlfriends over text…. and this is completely normal. These uncomfortable discussions that all of us hated to have were all a learning experience for me. Mostly, I learned tact and empathy. Are our children growing up more selfish & cold because they can avoid these conversations entirely?

I was never an overly brave teen. I didn’t have as much confidence in myself as others and this made confrontation much more difficult for me. If I had social media platforms and mobile devices available to me back then I’m positive I would have been using them instead of how I had to deal with things.

Maybe I wouldn’t have succumb to peer pressure. Maybe I would have been braver in what I told my peers…. in saying, "No!!". Or, maybe I would have dealt with confrontation in ways that maybe teens are dealing with it now… "text and Instant Messaging".

This might not sound like a major issue, but after the text from my oldest son I’m not so sure about that.

I believe that many of the uncomfortable situations and confrontations I dealt with growing up taught me many things and made me into the person I am now. Who knows…. maybe I’m reading too much into this. But, I really don’t think so.

Teen Crushes

As I mentioned earlier I lacked a certain amount of confidence growing up, so certain things were especially difficult for me. For example, telling a boy I liked him. I remember having crushes growing up and the boy never knew. By the time I was in Junior High I was still extremely nervous to tell a boy I liked him, but I would try very hard to push through the fear. Making a point to talk to him, pausing by his locker, dropping something nearby to see if he would pick it up, and dialing the phone to call him. I say dialing the phone because unless one of my friends was calling for me I don’t think I ever stayed on the phone long enough to talk to the boy. Most of the time I would dial the phone number and once someone answered I would hand up. Thank Goodness this was before *69…. otherwise, I would have been busted for sure.

How would Texting & Social Media changed this process? Well, I wouldn’t have had to be brave and start a discussion… Simple texts are so much easier than real words. I would no long have to worry about blushing in front of a boy. He wouldn’t even have to know how nervous I was. There is no way via text he could hear my shaky voice, see my knees tap together from nerves or see me blush from fear. This fact would have given me the confidence to flirt via text.

What learning experience would I have missed out on? Over the years of pushing through my fear of talking to guys I built confidence. I learned what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. I realized that guys thought I was sweet when I blushed. Actually, over the years I wasn’t nervous to talk to most guys at all. My confidence increased enough that I could easily talk to a guy. Would teen develop this confidence if they were doing all interaction between themselves and guys via digital methods?

Breaking up with a guy

Okay, if telling a guy I liked him wasn’t bad enough….. breaking up with him was so much worse!! I hated making someone unhappy or feel bad about themselves. I am still horrible at that, but disappointment is a fact of life and dealing with it is part of it. Break ups can be some of the most difficult conversations to have, but to move to the next relationship… break-ups must be done.

Many of my friends were broken up with by notes in school. I was mortified by this and fortunate enough that this never happened to me. However, in High School I was in the middle of a long distance relationship, so all of our communication was via phone and "snail mail". We would see each other only on weekends.

How would a Break-up have been different if I had text or Social Media Platforms?

What makes a break-up so difficult is the confrontation. It’s usually not an easy conversation because many times the other person feels a bit under attack or defensive. Texting a break-up (which let me just state…. is cowardly and never okay in my book) erases any face-to-face contact. No confrontation. As a matter of fact you don’t have to answer any further calls or texts. This is an easy way out. There is something to be said about "closure", people!! How the heck do you get closure from a text or instant message? Unless, of course, the entire relationship was done via text or Instant Message then a break up should NOT be done in this fashion. I couldn’t imagine sending a text like….

"Have I told you just now how much I’m in love with U???
No??
Chew on it, have a nice life… "

Check out these other "Break-up Texts" . They are unreal!!

But, texts like the one above are being sent to innocent (or not so innocent) boys and girls everyday.

What I have learned from having to break up in a face-to-face way…

• Break-ups hurt
• Break-ups are an end to something that you might not be ready for
• tact
• empathy
• sensitivity

Dealing with Friends and Social Life in High School

I know that Social Life in High School means a lot to teens. It meant a lot to me and still means a lot to kids. But, I also know that the peer pressure and saying, "No" can be a sticky situation. I would never want to go back and do high school over again due to the peer pressure I experienced. I dealt with the peer pressure the face-to-face way, but how are the kids dealing with it now-a-days?

Teens are using Social Media Platforms to deal with Peer Pressure.

They use text and instant messaging to say what’s on their minds. It not as confrontational. Sounds less threatening, right? Nope!! To get revenge these teens sometimes are using malicious ways to deal with their anger such as YouTube videos, MySpace & Facebook public messages, non-private instant messaging and other embarrassing ways. My thoughts are that because of the convenience of social media ways of dealing that these same platforms are giving teens a convenient & easy way to get revenge. This is making Peer Pressure tons worse than it was when I was growing up.

What I have learned from dealing with Peer pressure face-to-face?

• knowing you have to deal with them face-to-face makes you be choosy who is your friend
• Over time I realized what/who makes me happy
• I don’t always have to say, "Yes" to everything
• Could shut down the peer voices after school…. with text, Instant Messaging & other Social Media platforms this is much more difficult.

I’m wondering if the lack of closure causes a teen’s need for revenge? Could it be that communicating verbally face-to-face with someone forces closure? Maybe with text and instant message there is no "end".

Telling Parents Bad News

I would like to think that conversations with parents hasn’t changed much since I was growing up. But, even I know that’s not the case. I already admitted that my son text me a message that he should have talked to me about in person. Why did he do this? Because he felt it would be easier. Was it? Well, probably. Temporarily anyway. And, probably by the time he approached me in person I calmed down quite a bit. Did he learn as much from the whole experience…. I’m not so sure.

And, I have some fond memories of when I was growing up of conversations with my mother. I also have some memories of scary conversations with my mom. But, bottom line…. they were face-to-face conversations. They were banter back and forth that I believe made a difference in my life. Not only did I learn something from it, but I also bonded with my mom. And, there is one other thing that it left me with… something I can smile at later. Embarrassing situations that I can smile at because I survived. Something I can laugh at by myself or conversing with my sister.

I look back on those moments with my mom fondly…. now. However, had I had the opportunity to get out of a sticky situation in an easier fashion I totally would have.

Which brings to me back to the question, " Are teens today lacking interpersonal communicative skills?"

What do teens have a fear of??

• Confrontation
• Rejection
• Disappointment
• Failure
• Embarrassment

What are they missing out learning??

• tact
• sensitivity
• empathy
• respect
• anger management
• communication skills

I asked the following question to my friends on Twitter, "What would have been different 4 you had you had text & IM as teen? How would Break-ups, dating, peer pressure been different?" This were some of the answer I received: Click on the image to see in full size & with Profile Links

 

What are your thoughts? Are teens today lacking interpersonal communicative skills?