Not Asking for Help is Selfish…. Could this be??
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A couple of months ago I briefly mentioned that I had a Chronic Illness. It was something that was very difficult for me to do as I was afraid that mentioning it would make me look weak. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but if you have ever met me or if we ever spoke for any length of time you would understand why. I am a perfectionist….. an over achiever. Showing this side of me is not an easy thing for me to do. Would I feel any less about anybody else if I heard they had a chronic illness?? Of course not. Why then am I so hard on myself?? That answer, my friends, is a whole other story.
Not too long ago a friend of mine told me to ask for help. My response was, "I just can’t. It’s way too difficult." He told me that not asking people for help was a selfish thing to do.
What?? How could this be? In my mind not asking for help was me being tough…. me being selfless. How would anyone think that me "toughing it out" be selfish??
It took me a couple months into my Lupus Flair, two months of "toughing it out", to realize what Edward meant when he said that I was being selfish for not asking for help. But, I believe I have figured it out and I’m ready to no longer be selfish.
In the next few days you will notice Guest Posts on Social Desire. As painful as it was for me to ask, I posted a Tweet requesting guest blog posts about Social Media and Web 2.0. I was thrilled to find quite a few bloggers ready and willing to help me out.
Please bear with me as I rest a bit longer. God willing I will be heading back into my Lupus Remission shortly and I will be back "full force". In the meantime, please enjoy Social Desire’s guest posts. And, if you would like to be featured as a Guest Blogger on Social Desire please contact me.
12 Responses to “Not Asking for Help is Selfish…. Could this be??”
By Dave on May 26, 2008 | Reply
Well, beyond my erm.. ‘other issues’ - just spent neary 2 months with my hand being munched and Titter started my help from a few folks… always nice to see huh? Some guest bloggers saved the day!
Anyhoo, should you run short of help let me know as I must do my part in giving back now that some semblance of health is back. You know where to find me ;0) (might even be back on IM soon…)
Keep on slugging away and drop me a line soon…
By supermom_in_ny on May 27, 2008 | Reply
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been suffering with 4-5 migraines a week for over a year now. I have to go do a full work up to see why. After visiting and taking the advice of my dentist and eye doctor with no relief…I’m going to try the regular doctor again. My little sister was diagnosed with MS and she says I have all the symptoms. Being a mom of 7 (6 still at home), I hate to ask for help. I drive my kids everywhere and my ex is pretty much still antagonistic after 10 years…even though he cheated.
I’m desperately trying to keep up with the 6 kids, 8 pets, a 6 bedroom home, 2 cars that keep breaking down and 28 sites/Squidoo lenses. I asked for help last week from my ex to pick our son up from baseball, while I was at an awards dinner with our daughter. Was met with sarcasm and foolishness. I reacted with anger because I asked for help from the only person I could…his own dad and he had to act like an idiot. In the end, his mom picked up our son. At the very least, I got some help from her. If it ever happens again, I’ll call her first.
See, I totally know how you feel. Sometimes we have to ask for help, even though we want to be supermoms. We can’t do everything and be everywhere all the time.
Hope you get all the rest and help you rightfully need. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
By Shana Albert on May 27, 2008 | Reply
@Dave - Damn, I missed you!! I’m so glad you are beginning to feel better. And, I am thankful for the people who have offered to help me out during my time of need.
It was a difficult thing for me to do…. ask for help. But, it was necessary. If I forced myself to work right now I’m liable to stay sicker much longer. But, sometimes for me it is so difficult to slow down. I need to learn to take a break.
By Shana Albert on May 27, 2008 | Reply
@supermom_in_ny - Wow, I had no idea what you have on your plate. I don’t know how you do it.
Thank you for leaving a comment and for your well wishes. I truly, truly appreciate it. I need to hear that people understand my stresses…. and it sounds as if you do.
By Edward Beckett on Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
Just knock
By Shana Albert on Jun 3, 2008 | Reply
@Edward - Thank you, Edward. I truly appreciate that.
By mark on Jun 11, 2008 | Reply
Hey Shana - apologies…just saw this post now. Hope you are feeling better!!!
Let me know if you need anymore guest posts as I would be happy to submit one.
By cyureus on Apr 4, 2009 | Reply
Just wondering if you have experienced that people offer help, but then carry it out in the most self-serving or lazy way possible. Did you have folks show up but then crap out, e.g. someone promises to give you a ride b/c you have trouble walking, but they don’t come to the door or help you to the car? Are there people who know you need help and avoid offering, even though they’re in contact?