Are Texting & Social Media Platforms causing teens to lack in Interpersonal Communicative Skills?

I received a text from my oldest son last week that was very disturbing. He was obviously too freaked out to discuss the topic with me face-to-face and instead chose to tell me this uncomfortable piece of information via text messaging. I feel I’m a very "with it" mom when it comes to these things. Especially since being involved in Social Media is pretty much what I specialize in. But, after this particular text I was left wondering….

“Are teens today lacking in Interpersonal and Communicative Skills?”

Generations have been dealing with the change in Technology for Decades…

• Rock-n-Roll
• Television
• Record Players
• VCR’s
• Telephones
• Computer’s
• Internet
• eMail
• Cell phones
• Web 2.0
• etc…

I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for any generation to make the transition and today’s generation is no exception. I use text myself, but I don’t use it to replace normal everyday conversation, but it appears that many of our teens do. Many of my friends and colleagues I spend time with online have children and I’m very curious of their thoughts on this…

Is Mobile Technology and Social Media taking away what our Children should be learning during face-to-face Communication?

When I was a teen growing up I was forced to discuss things with my parents face-to-face….. even the uncomfortable discussions. And, through each of these discussions, as difficult as they were, they each were a learning experience. Could Instant Messaging and Text be robbing our children from learning some social skills?

Teens are breaking up with boyfriends and girlfriends over text…. and this is completely normal. These uncomfortable discussions that all of us hated to have were all a learning experience for me. Mostly, I learned tact and empathy. Are our children growing up more selfish & cold because they can avoid these conversations entirely?

I was never an overly brave teen. I didn’t have as much confidence in myself as others and this made confrontation much more difficult for me. If I had social media platforms and mobile devices available to me back then I’m positive I would have been using them instead of how I had to deal with things.

Maybe I wouldn’t have succumb to peer pressure. Maybe I would have been braver in what I told my peers…. in saying, "No!!". Or, maybe I would have dealt with confrontation in ways that maybe teens are dealing with it now… "text and Instant Messaging".

This might not sound like a major issue, but after the text from my oldest son I’m not so sure about that.

I believe that many of the uncomfortable situations and confrontations I dealt with growing up taught me many things and made me into the person I am now. Who knows…. maybe I’m reading too much into this. But, I really don’t think so.

Teen Crushes

As I mentioned earlier I lacked a certain amount of confidence growing up, so certain things were especially difficult for me. For example, telling a boy I liked him. I remember having crushes growing up and the boy never knew. By the time I was in Junior High I was still extremely nervous to tell a boy I liked him, but I would try very hard to push through the fear. Making a point to talk to him, pausing by his locker, dropping something nearby to see if he would pick it up, and dialing the phone to call him. I say dialing the phone because unless one of my friends was calling for me I don’t think I ever stayed on the phone long enough to talk to the boy. Most of the time I would dial the phone number and once someone answered I would hand up. Thank Goodness this was before *69…. otherwise, I would have been busted for sure.

How would Texting & Social Media changed this process? Well, I wouldn’t have had to be brave and start a discussion… Simple texts are so much easier than real words. I would no long have to worry about blushing in front of a boy. He wouldn’t even have to know how nervous I was. There is no way via text he could hear my shaky voice, see my knees tap together from nerves or see me blush from fear. This fact would have given me the confidence to flirt via text.

What learning experience would I have missed out on? Over the years of pushing through my fear of talking to guys I built confidence. I learned what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. I realized that guys thought I was sweet when I blushed. Actually, over the years I wasn’t nervous to talk to most guys at all. My confidence increased enough that I could easily talk to a guy. Would teen develop this confidence if they were doing all interaction between themselves and guys via digital methods?

Breaking up with a guy

Okay, if telling a guy I liked him wasn’t bad enough….. breaking up with him was so much worse!! I hated making someone unhappy or feel bad about themselves. I am still horrible at that, but disappointment is a fact of life and dealing with it is part of it. Break ups can be some of the most difficult conversations to have, but to move to the next relationship… break-ups must be done.

Many of my friends were broken up with by notes in school. I was mortified by this and fortunate enough that this never happened to me. However, in High School I was in the middle of a long distance relationship, so all of our communication was via phone and "snail mail". We would see each other only on weekends.

How would a Break-up have been different if I had text or Social Media Platforms?

What makes a break-up so difficult is the confrontation. It’s usually not an easy conversation because many times the other person feels a bit under attack or defensive. Texting a break-up (which let me just state…. is cowardly and never okay in my book) erases any face-to-face contact. No confrontation. As a matter of fact you don’t have to answer any further calls or texts. This is an easy way out. There is something to be said about "closure", people!! How the heck do you get closure from a text or instant message? Unless, of course, the entire relationship was done via text or Instant Message then a break up should NOT be done in this fashion. I couldn’t imagine sending a text like….

"Have I told you just now how much I’m in love with U???
No??
Chew on it, have a nice life… "

Check out these other "Break-up Texts" . They are unreal!!

But, texts like the one above are being sent to innocent (or not so innocent) boys and girls everyday.

What I have learned from having to break up in a face-to-face way…

• Break-ups hurt
• Break-ups are an end to something that you might not be ready for
• tact
• empathy
• sensitivity

Dealing with Friends and Social Life in High School

I know that Social Life in High School means a lot to teens. It meant a lot to me and still means a lot to kids. But, I also know that the peer pressure and saying, "No" can be a sticky situation. I would never want to go back and do high school over again due to the peer pressure I experienced. I dealt with the peer pressure the face-to-face way, but how are the kids dealing with it now-a-days?

Teens are using Social Media Platforms to deal with Peer Pressure.

They use text and instant messaging to say what’s on their minds. It not as confrontational. Sounds less threatening, right? Nope!! To get revenge these teens sometimes are using malicious ways to deal with their anger such as YouTube videos, MySpace & Facebook public messages, non-private instant messaging and other embarrassing ways. My thoughts are that because of the convenience of social media ways of dealing that these same platforms are giving teens a convenient & easy way to get revenge. This is making Peer Pressure tons worse than it was when I was growing up.

What I have learned from dealing with Peer pressure face-to-face?

• knowing you have to deal with them face-to-face makes you be choosy who is your friend
• Over time I realized what/who makes me happy
• I don’t always have to say, "Yes" to everything
• Could shut down the peer voices after school…. with text, Instant Messaging & other Social Media platforms this is much more difficult.

I’m wondering if the lack of closure causes a teen’s need for revenge? Could it be that communicating verbally face-to-face with someone forces closure? Maybe with text and instant message there is no "end".

Telling Parents Bad News

I would like to think that conversations with parents hasn’t changed much since I was growing up. But, even I know that’s not the case. I already admitted that my son text me a message that he should have talked to me about in person. Why did he do this? Because he felt it would be easier. Was it? Well, probably. Temporarily anyway. And, probably by the time he approached me in person I calmed down quite a bit. Did he learn as much from the whole experience…. I’m not so sure.

And, I have some fond memories of when I was growing up of conversations with my mother. I also have some memories of scary conversations with my mom. But, bottom line…. they were face-to-face conversations. They were banter back and forth that I believe made a difference in my life. Not only did I learn something from it, but I also bonded with my mom. And, there is one other thing that it left me with… something I can smile at later. Embarrassing situations that I can smile at because I survived. Something I can laugh at by myself or conversing with my sister.

I look back on those moments with my mom fondly…. now. However, had I had the opportunity to get out of a sticky situation in an easier fashion I totally would have.

Which brings to me back to the question, " Are teens today lacking interpersonal communicative skills?"

What do teens have a fear of??

• Confrontation
• Rejection
• Disappointment
• Failure
• Embarrassment

What are they missing out learning??

• tact
• sensitivity
• empathy
• respect
• anger management
• communication skills

I asked the following question to my friends on Twitter, "What would have been different 4 you had you had text & IM as teen? How would Break-ups, dating, peer pressure been different?" This were some of the answer I received: Click on the image to see in full size & with Profile Links

What are your thoughts? Are teens today lacking interpersonal communicative skills?

I have been a little disappointed in Facebook lately. Well, maybe not Facebook directly, but instead some of the people that I have agreed to Facebook Friendships. And, due to the tactics these people are using on Facebook to pass the word about things they feel strongly about has caused me to not spend as much time on FaceBook in general.

In case you aren’t aware…. it was only a few months back that I was singing my praises about Facebook. I spent a lot of time there. I was able to do my social networking in ways that I couldn’t do in other Social Media arenas. I love Social Networking in all different ways, but what is so cool about Facebook is some of the very cool Applications that Facebook has. Some of these applications helped me interact with fellow marketers and bloggers that I didn’t know too well before facebook, but due to the fun networking via these applications caused me to take a closer look at their websites and blogs. But, recently something has started to happen that has not happened to me in this last year of using Facebook until recently…. "Chain Messages."

I’m not sure if Chain Messages is what this "thing" is actually called. But, this is what I’m going to call it. Chain Messages reminds me of a chain mail, but is is done through Facebook Applications. These Chain Messages are rude, forceful and threatening and I’m more than a little bit irritated that they have entered my Facebook space.

Here is an example of a message I received earlier today that has me so upset. I have removed a couple things from this screen shot. I removed the name of the person who sent me this FunWall post. I have also removed the name of my Facebook Friends from the "forward to:" section.

Now, this isn’t the first Chain Message I received, but this one really has me bothered. I’ll get into the reasons why this particular Chain Message has me irked, but in the meantime let me list what makes a Chain Letter a Chain Letter, so we can compare the Old Fashioned Chain Letter to this Chain Letter 2.0.

Wikipedia tells me that a Chain Letter is…

"A typical chain letter consists of a message that attempts to induce the recipient to make a number of copies of the letter and then pass them on to as many recipients as possible… Common methods used in chain letters include emotionally manipulative stories, get-rich-quick pyramid schemes, and the exploitation of superstition to threaten the recipient with bad luck or even physical violence or death if he or she "breaks the chain" and refuses to adhere to the conditions set out in the letter."

Wow, that definition sounds very much like the FunWall Post I received above. Let’s check out another. The following is from FraudBureau.com. Here they explain the Anatomy of a Chain Letter.

"Every chain letter is comprised of three components:

* The hook. The letter will try to grab your attention so that you will read the rest of it. Some common themes are "Get Rich Quick", to appeal to our desire to make money or "Virus Alert" to hook us by arousing our fears.

* The threat. Once you are hooked, the letter arouses your fears by telling you about the terrible things that will happen if you do not continue to keep the chain in tact. The threat is usually realistic enough to get you to continue the chain.

* The request. The request is usually the demand to distribute the letter to as many individuals as possible. "

Ahhh, so there are three components to every chain Letter. Very interesting. Well, Let’s see if there are three components to this Facebook Chain Message…

The Hook - "Someone will either call you or talk to you and tell you that they love you." Not a get rich scheme, but definitely something that many people are desperately looking for.

The Threat - "I better not see anyone breaking this one or see deleted." Well, I know this is not a specific threat, but it is an empty threat at least. It is playing on the fear of many people with social networking…. not having other’s support.

The Request - "These are ribbons for Soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pass it on to everyone and Pray." Definitely works on the emotions of many.

Hmmmm…. very interesting. Seems like this FunWall Post has all the makings of a Chain Letter to me. Dress it up whatever way you want to, but it is what it is… a chain letter.

What has me so upset about this particular Chain Message is the fact that it plays on the emotions of many people. We all know and love someone who is helping fight wars in Iraq and/or Afghanistan. And, this message is using our emotions to get us to do what they want us to do.

You know what really gets me is that I might have helped passing around the support ribbons to my Facebook friends had I not felt threatened. But, after reading the entire FunWall post I didn’t want any part of it. I wonder how many others who received this same FunWall post felt the same way I did and didn’t forward the message to their Facebook friends as well.

And, that brings us to another topic which I won’t delve to far into at this time….. friends made online. Should they have the same qualities of real life friends? OF COURSE!!! The social skills and etiquette that your mother and father taught you should still apply online. No parent in their right mind would teach their children the skills of threatening their friends. So, if you wouldn’t treat your friends in the real world with threats then don’t do it online.

You want to be my friend online?? Stop threatening me!!

In the past few days I’ve noticed a few changes on StumbleUpon. They aren’t huge changes, but changes none-the-less. These changes appear on your own StumbleUpon page. What is cool about these changes is that you have a choice. You can choose to keep things the same as they have been or change the way your Favorites page looks. And, deciding between keeping things like they once were or changing it to the new display depends whether you are more visual or not.

If you take a look on your Favorite Page on StumbleUpon and you have it set to the standard view it should look something like this:

Now, take a look at the right section of this page. You will notice a section that looks like this:

If you click on the link that says, "Show thumbnails" your Favorite page on StumbleUpon will now look something like this:

Pretty cool, huh?! But, it can be changed even more still. Visually, I like the way the above thumbnails looks on my favorites page. But, maybe for you this way is too wordy and you would like to see more Thumbnails. Not a problem. You will notice that there is a section that says, "Display: List Grid". It should look something like the following image:

Right now your StumbleUpon Favorite page is probably on the default display, List. Click on Grid to see the display change to list your favorites as a grid using Thumbnails. It will look something like this:

For example, when I stumbled the post, "Treating Your Blog as a Business: 8 Aspects to Consider" it lists the screen shot of the entire web page and It’s easier for me to look at the thumbnail and know it is a DailyBlogTips post. It probably has a screen shot of the entire web page because there is no other image on that post. However, when I stumbled Brent Csutoras‘ post, "Digg’s April Fools… The Joke is on You!" the thumbnail on my StumbleUpon favorites page is the image of Brent’s "digg-fools-buttons photo". This could make just the thumbnails display on my favorites page more difficult for me in the days to come to figure out what I stumbled without having the description there too.

I DIG that I have choices on how I would like to see my StumbleUpon Favorites. I love the way my Favorites look on one page. Visually, it looks awesome!! But, I’m not sure if this is the best way for me to keep my StumbleUpon favorites page. Again, it looks great!! But, it is hard for me to figure out what website it is by the Thumbnails. Some Thumbnails are easier to figure it out than others. Some of the Thumbnails are screen shots of the web page… making it easier for me to figure out what favorite it is. However, some of the thumbnails are images from the web page itself. Even though this too is cool it isn’t very easy for me to always figure out which StumbleUpon favorite I stumbled.

Bottom line…. I love that I have choices. Which display do I enjoy the most? The answer is, "I’m not sure, yet". For right now I’m toggling back and forth between different displays until I figure it out. So far, it appears that I’m leaning towards to the traditional basic original version of no thumbnails. But, that is probably because I’m not really good with sudden change and I need to work myself into it a bit. I’m usually a very visual person, so I’m guessing that eventually when I get more use to it I will be using the Display page with the Thumbnails in the List form.

What about you? What StumbleUpon Favorites Display are you using?

8 Random things you didn’t Know about Me

1. I have a HUGE fear of failure. And, it appears that in worrying constantly about failing I rarely, if ever, enjoy the rewards of success.
   
   
2. I love puzzles. I don’t have much time to enjoy them these days, but I really love a challenging Jigsaw puzzle. I love them so much that once I start one I can’t stand ANYONE touching them. This is probably because I want to say that I completed it myself. One time I noticed someone had touched my puzzle… I immediately went out and bought two huge shopping bags of jigsaw puzzles. I had toddler puzzles all the way up to challenging adult puzzles. This way there was no need for anyone to touch my puzzle…. they can easily find their own puzzle to put together without touching mine.
   
   
3. I love making people smile - Truly…. I love it!! I would rather make people smile than doing something for myself. It gives me such a good feeling to see a smile on someone’s face and knowing that I have the ability to make someone happy.
   
   
4. Tennis is my Sport of Choice - I love to play tennis!! Am I any good? I think so…. But, even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t care. That’s how much I love it… I just want to be playing. Last summer I bought my 11 year old all the supplies he needed to play tennis. Did he ask for them? No. But, this way I could have a tennis player available whenever I was ready to play. Good thing he loves to play too.
   
   
5. My Best Friend is my Younger Sister - And, she is one of the most talented and beautiful people that I know. I credit her for my online success as she is the one who introduced me to Web Design years ago. Plus, she is one of the few people that on a very difficult day could make me laugh till I cry or pee my pants…. whatever comes first.

   
   My sister Rachel, my father, and myself. I was six.
   

6. I give birth to Monster Babies - No lie. My largest baby was my daughter. Hannah weighed 11 pounds 12 1/4 ounces and she was born the OLD FASHIONED WAY a week earlier than planned. The doctors had no idea how large she was until she was born. It reminds me how amazing the human body is.

   
   My daughter at a couple minutes old. 11 lbs. 12.25 oz.
   
   

7. I love Musicals!! - They are amazing to watch and I leave feeling totally satisfied. Musicals are filled with multi-talented people and I love watching that. It reminds me of the wonderful times I would spend with my Grandma. Her and I would sit and watch old movies together. You know, the movies with Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. I loved watching movies with her.
   
   
8. I have a Chronic Illness - Up until this point only a very few people know about this fact. I got very sick in July of 2006 and finally in August of 2007 I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that can affect various parts of the body, including the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys and brain. My immune system is overactive and attacks my own body parts. Unfortunately, the form of Lupus I have is the most severe…. my immune system is attacking my Central Nervous System and Brain. The diagnosis is still quite new and I am trying to deal with how my life has changed and will continue to change. I continue to morn the person I was prior to diagnosis and that is one of the hardest things I had to go through thus far. Some days I feel quite well while other days it is so difficult just to get out of the bed in the morning.

So, there you go…. 8 random things about me. Some you might not have known and others you might wish you still didn’t know about me. But, like it or not…… it’s me.

Thank you so much Julie for tagging me for this meme. I am tagging the following three for this Meme:

Social Media Mom , Taylor Pratt & Sean Maney

I have a little secret…. I’m the tooth fairy. It’s true. And, guess what else?! I’m also Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and Cupid.

Last week my 6 year old daughter, Hannah lost one of her front teeth and just yesterday she lost the other front tooth. She is missing both of her front teeth and as I stare at her beautiful face and her cute smile I realize how special this time is for her…. and for me for that matter. I haven’t seen her gums like this since she was an infant. And, it reminds me that she is growing up and how quickly the time goes.

So, as I do with all of my children when they lose a tooth I become the tooth fairy. I grab my wings, tiara and wand from my "special closet". These items sit next to my Santa, Easter Bunny, Cupid as they do for most parents. These are roles that I am proud to hold and it got me thinking….

How has the introduction of Web 2.0 changed these Special Days for the Kids?

How Web 2.0 adds Pizzazz to our Children’s Holidays

Tooth Fairy

• Tooth Fairy has her own blog
• There is actually an entire Island that your kids can visit virtually called Tooth fairy Island… Very cute.
• Receive letters from the Tooth Fairy
• I always had tons of questions for the Tooth Fairy…. Find out the answers to many questions.

Easter & the Easter Bunny

• Decorate Easter Eggs
online.
• Virtual Easter Egg Hunt
• Buy your Easter Bunny Costume on the Internet
• Easter Bunny Photo Sharing

St. Valentine’s Day & Cupid

• Try and Catch Cupid
• St. Valentine’s Online Kissing Game - I virtually kissed a frog to find out if I will spend my days in the castle…. I found out that the frog turned into a gross gator. YUK!!
• Kids can ask The Love Duck questions and get answers.
• Kids can make a Virtual Valentine’s Cake for their Friends or for their Parents.

Christmas & Santa Claus

• Santa blogs as well.
• Email Santa
• Decorate Christmas Trees with Friends Online
• Kids can check if they are on Santa’s Naughty or Nice List
• Add your Child to the Naughty List - They will receive a letter from Santa regarding their naughtiness and a lump of coal.
• Send Santa your Wish List
• Track Santa
• Chat with Santa

Web 2.0 isn’t going to change the fact that usually around 8 years of age children start wondering if these characters are real or not. It’s sad, but it’s true….. children will figure it out. I actually had this discussion on Twitter earlier today and found some interesting ways that children found out that these Holiday Characters weren’t who they thought they were. They were, in fact, their parents. There is no interactive website that will change this fact. The only thing we can do is help our children believe in the imaginary for as long as we can.

All of the above amazing Web 2.0 methods for kids to enjoy the Holidays doesn’t change the fact that Parents will remain involved in helping their children believe in the "Imaginary". But, I believe that these sites add a bit to the excitement of the holidays. And, it doesn’t mean that as a parent I am not going to stick to tradition…. I enjoy my many roles as a Mom. And, my dress-up clothes are not going anywhere!! I loved dressing up as a child and I still love dressing as an adult…. I wouldn’t change that for the World.

So, as I hang up my Tooth Fairy Wings, Tiara and Wand until the next missing tooth in my household I am already dusting off my Easter Bunny Suit, pulling out the plastic eggs, baskets and easter grass from the closet. But, I can guarantee that a little Easter 2.0 will be on the way too…. nothing like a good Online Easter Egg Hung to prepare the Kids for the real thing.

Jennifer Laycock, advocate of the HMBANA Milk Bank was in the process of kicking everybody’s asses with a miraculous come from behind Rally. This Grand Master of Mommy Links (and industry luminary) was sending out twitter blasts in 10-minute increments and had taken the lead.

Jennifer timed it perfectly, waited until the last minute, worked it, and was poised to bring the loot home for the Milk Bank. Which, let me just say, is an amazing charity. HMBANA Milk Bank is able to provide breast milk to premature babies who are in desperate need of the extra nutrition. Being the amazing Mommy that she is, it is no wonder that Jennifer battled to the last minute for her Charity of choice.

Then aimClear and all the other Lymphoma supporters roared back with SearchEngineWatch and aimClearBlog posts, StumbleUpon, email, and PM campaigns to the far corners of the earth. (Does that guy ever sleep?) You see, 3 years ago Marty survived Lymphoma Stage 3B, so this cause is also close to his heart.

The other contestant-charities were Camp Interactive and the National Association for Colitis and Crohn’s Disease advocated by Sara Holoubek and Mel Carson respectively. These are very worthy causes, which help a LOT of good folks out. Congratulations and thank you to all the bloggers who participated in supporting. We hope to see you at the party on March 18th during SES. (details here)

When I was a kid I would walk 6 miles to school in snow that was up to here (points to his shoulders).

I remember as a young girl my Grandfather telling me stories like this. And, when he would say this to me I would be thinking, "Thank G-d I wasn’t born in the "old days"…. I would have had to walk to school for miles and miles in snow up passed my head!!"

But, you know what? I think we were all born "in the old days". I believe we all rolled our eyes at our Grandparent’s stories and we were all pleased that we weren’t born in the "old days" and that our lives were easier than our elders…. and, yet in time we all will become elders.

It was just yesterday I was talking with my 11 year old about writing a report. My son was explaining to me what is involved in the 6th grade when you have to do research for writing a report. And, I heard myself say,

"When I was in the Junior High (yes, it’s true…. they didn’t call it Middle School back then) and I was learning how to research and write reports we didn’t have the internet to do our research. We had to do our research in a Library. We used a Card Catalog to determine where to find information regarding what we were doing a report on. The Card Catalog told us what Encyclopedia, Book, Magazine, Newspaper or Microfiche to find it in. Research took much longer than the report itself. All my research was written out on index cards, which was then hand written out on paper, spell checked with a dictionary and typed out with a typewriter. The typewritten report was then double checked and all typographical errors cleaned up with white-out and manually fixed."

My son just rolled his eyes at me. It was just at that moment it occurred to me that I am one of them!! I am a Story Teller from the "Olden Days".

Just like everything else from then to now…. Education has changed. The World Wide Web changed education in the 90’s. And, Web 2.0 and Social Media has Changed Education with the new Millennium. We now have what I’d like to call Education 2.0.

How Web 2.0 has changed Education

My child rolls his eyes at me as I use to roll my eyes at my parents and grandparents. I’m sure my children will experience the same thing with their children as well. Technology has changed so much in the 30 some years I have been around….. how much do you think it will change in the next 30?

Technorati Tags:web 2.0, social media, education, parenting, family, kids, children

Since Valentine’s Day is coming to an end I wanted to write about Love. But, not my Love for Social Media and Web 2.0. But, instead my Love for other things in this crazy World. So, take a moment and read about things that I love and within these words you will get a better look at what my life is like minus the computer.

I am in Love with:

• My Children
• Reading a Romance Novel
• Beautiful Clothes
• Reading Gossip Magazines
• Yellow Flowers
• Baby’s Toes
• Having Someone Wash my Hair for Me
• Making a Difference in Somebody’s Life
• The Feeling of Accomplishing a Dreaded Task
• Memories of my Childhood
• The Beauty of Nature
• Playing Tennis with my Children
• Being able to Give Birth
• How I feel when I Dance
• Giggling with my Sister
• The Taste of Milk Chocolate
• Hearing my Children Laugh
• Watching a Non-Thinking Stupid Movie and LAUGHING!!
• Making People Smile
• Kissing Somebody New
• Watching my Children Make a Difference in the World.
• Being able to Make my Parent’s Proud

Technorati Tags:love, valentine’s day, social media, web 2.0, children, parenting, family

The People Pleaser 2.0

We have all come across a People Pleaser at one point or another. People Pleasers love making people happy. They seem to become happier themselves by making others happy. They are super nice…. almost too nice, some might say.

If you have ever have been a People Pleaser yourself your life isn’t as happy as it might appear to others. You appear happy on the outside, but on the inside you are extremely unhappy. In order to not feel the pain you are feeling inside you go above and beyond making others happy and ignoring the pain you are having inside. The People Pleaser is usually over worked and under appreciated. The People Pleaser will rarely speak up if they are feeling unappreciated. As a matter of fact, they will continue helping others and saying "yes" to things they shouldn’t just to make others happy. What you might not be aware of is that the People Pleaser is probably very bitter on the inside. They want to say "No" (and they should say "No"), but they want so badly to be accepted and liked that they rarely, if ever, say "No". Usually to the detriment of her/himself.

Being a People Pleaser in the real World is extremely difficult. But, what do you think it is like to be a People Pleaser in the virtual World… where online community is so prevalent? For the rest of this post I’m going to call the People Pleasers on the internet People Pleasers 2.0.

The Pattern below is associated with the People Pleaser, by Jay Earley, PhD

• I try to be who someone wants me to be.
• I am afraid to rock the boat.
• It is hard for me to know what I want.
• I avoid speaking my mind.
• I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
• I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
• It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
• It is difficult for me to say No.
• I avoid getting angry.
• It is hard for me to take initiative.
• I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
• I want everyone to get along.
  

What happens when these people are involved with Social Media? What is it like for the People Pleaser 2.0?

Anyone who has spent anytime reading this blog knows that I am extremely involved in Social Media. But, what you might not know about me already is that 10+ years ago I had some major People Pleaser issues. I did all I could to make everyone around me happy only to find that I was extremely unhappy and unfulfilled. Over the years, and much therapy later… I have greatly improved. But, I do have to admit that with the addition of Social Media activities in my daily life that at some points over the past few months I have felt those past issues and insecurities creep back a bit. I can sense when these feelings kick in and for the most part can overcome the feelings associated with the people pleaser. But, If I am feeling this way I wonder if there are others feeling this way as well. Others who might not realize that there are tactics to overcome these feelings.

Below, I have put together what I believe are the symptoms of being a People Pleaser 2.0. These are not medical symptoms, but these are what I believe, through my own experience, what being a People Pleaser in Web 2.0 would be like.

People Pleaser 2.0 Symptoms:

• Voting up on all requests from Friends, but you never ask for the favor to be returned.
• Going through Friend’s submits on Social News Voting sites and voting all up without even reading the posts first.
• Before naturally voting something up looking to see who else voted it up first. Not having enough faith in your own opinions to vote anything up before noticing if others agree too.
• These people never want to rock the boat in the social communities. So, they tend to keep all of their opinions to themselves until they begin to hear other opinions. They tend to side with other people’s opinions.
• People Pleasers tend to be frightened every time they publish a post. They are afraid of other people’s thoughts on their posts because a People Pleaser bases their feelings on how others feel.
• Comments on their blog is enough to make or break them. They feel elated and happy when their posts receive good comments, but these people are coming undone on the inside with each of the negative comments.

Learning how to say "No" to others and trusting your own opinions enough to state them is so important to being happy. I am learning that myself.

Social Media is wonderful!! I love it, but I also know that with dealing with people brings the pressures of making some happy and disappointing others. It’s impossible to make everyone happy and if you are worried about making everyone happy, who is making you happy?

More on overcoming being a People Pleaser and feeling confident enough to say, "No".

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser - wikiHow gives you steps and tips on how to stop being a people pleaser.

The People Pleaser Pattern - Jay Earley, PhD highlights the People Pleaser Pattern, sometimes known as compliance.

"People Pleasers" Pay a High Price - Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D writes why people pleasers pay a high price.

3 Reasons To Stop Being A People Pleaser - Journal-a-Day gives the readers 3 reasons that you being a People Pleaser must end!!

Being Nice Can Be Hazardous to Your Health - Can being a People Pleaser actually be making you sick? Yes, it can.

How To Stand Up For Yourself - Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen shows you How to Practice Being Assertive.

How to Know the Right Thing to Do - srichinmoybio.co.uk shows you how to do the right thing for you (not for others).

5 Ways to Develop Independent Thought - Tom O’Leary at PickTheBrain writes a post on how to think independently.

How to Say No

8 Essential Strategies to Saying “No” - Leo Babauta offers a few practical strategies For those who have trouble saying “no".

The Gentle Art of Saying No - Here are the Top 10 tips LifeHack.org writes about for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No.

How to Say No and Stay Friends - Marco Adragna shows you how you can say no to a friend without losing the friendship.

4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted - Jake Sim offers these 4 great ways to stand up for yourself and say No.

How to say NO and have people respect you for it - Say No and get the genuine and lasting result you need to put in authentic effort and respect.

The Art of No - Powazek explains the art of saying, "No" for a Graphic Designer’s perspective.

4 Tips for Saying No: Take Control of Your Time - Here are some tips that can help to bring some clarity and lighten up your mental ‘load’ when you want to say no. ThinkSimpleNow.com

How to say "no" without feeling badly - Dawna Sinclair shares with us how she got over feeling badly when she had to say "No".

Stop being a People Pleaser - passou pela mente offers some steps on how to stop being a people pleaser.

7 steps to start saying ‘No’ - The Birmingham News offers a very precise 7 step process to saying "No".

How to Say No Respectfully - wikiHow gives you steps and tips to saying "No" respectfully.

Say No But Say It With Finesse - Can you say no to your boss, neighbor, child, friend or coworker? If not you are not alone. Vannie Ryanes shows you how to say, "No" with style.

Saying No at Work

The time I learned to say “No” at work - ChiefHappinessOfficer shows you that if you can’t say "No" at work then your "Yes" is meaningless.

How to say no to extra work without feeling guilty - Mitch McCrimmon posts some practical tips for saying no on the job.

Getting to No - Hannah Clark writes this excellent post on learning to say no you need to start by identifying why you always say yes.

How to say ‘no’ to overtime - MothersWhoWork writes this terrific post directed towards mothers. She points out ways to say "No" to overtime.

When to Say No to Work - Geoff Williams shows you how to turn down projects.

Say no to free work! - CreativeBits explains that even if someone is a friend…. say "No" for working for free.

Saying NO to Good Opportunities! - Kimberly Stevens writes how you need to learn to say "no" to good opportunities, so you could say "yes" to the great ones.

Saying No in Business - Clients / Customers

Freelance Writers: How to Say No to Clients - The People’s Media Company shows you how to now allow yourself to become overwhelmed by clients or projects.

Increasing Your Marketing Agency’s Revenues by Saying "No" to Clients - Andy Beal shows you why saying “no” to a client is often good for business.

How to Say "No" to a Customer or Client - Kori Rodley Irons offers some little tidbits on saying "No to customers or clients.

When Is It OK To Say No to a Customer? - Silvana Buljan offers suggestions as to how to know when it is OK to say No to a customer.

How to Say No to Clients You Want to Keep - Finding creative ways to saying "No" to a client means that you can say "No" and keep the client as well.

Technorati Tags:web 2.0, social media, social networking, social bookmarking, self improvement, saying no, people pleaser

A while back I wrote a post about how I just didn’t get Twitter. At that time, It didn’t make sense to me to hear people rave about Twitter. But, I must say….. Twitter is another Social Media Activity that I am really enjoying. As a matter of fact, it is one of my top three favorite Social Networking Sites.

Yes, I’m aware in my last Twitter post that I complained about the 140 Character limit, but I found that for the most part the 140 characters that I am limited to is perfect. It is just enough space to say what I have to say and I’m done.

On Twitter the major players come out to play. They talk to their followers. Not only do they talk to their followers, but many times they ask their followers questions that will appear on future posts.

You can make Twitter as personal or business like as you would like. But, I must say that I am enjoying the personal side of it. And, frankly, I see nothing wrong with Business being Personal anyway. At least for me. I spend the majority of my waking hours working…. Damn right, it is personal for me. And, being personal with people and learning about them makes me happy. Me being happy makes me a better business person. Blah, blah, blah …. Comes full circle. You get it.

Some of the many, many reasons I love Twitter

Eavesdropping on other Twitters conversation is not only allowed, but it is the norm on Twitter.

Tons of fun & plenty to laugh at.

Website Help.

If someone tries to communicate with me on Twitter I can ignore people until later… they don’t have to know I’m there at that moment.

Plenty of Advice from one Twitter to the Next.

Efficient - Gotta love efficiency.

Blogging Ideas.

Travel Destinations - Great Restaurants, Site seeing Ideas & the best hotels.

Vent - If you are feeling a bit irritated about this or that vent on Twitter. Someone is always willing to listen or offer there own opinion.

140 Character Limit - Because I love short & sweet…. Get to the Point!!

The concept in incredibly simple - Did you ever hear of the saying, "Keep it Simple, Stupid?" Well, it just makes sense.

Life & Death - I have read about baby’s being born and people passing away. Reality, people.

Jobs - People find employment and employment finds people on Twitter.. Including myself. I was contacted by someone on twitter looking for help with Social Media Marketing…. and I was ultimately hired by that person.

Discussing Politics.

Met Twitters in my Region.

Found out about events going on in my area.

Who needs Feed Readers anymore?? I can find out most of my favorite Bloggers updates on Twitter. However, I do still use a Feed Reader, but honestly it’s much less often.

Increase in Traffic.

Application Ideas.

New Blog Readers - Even someone that YOU are a fan of.

Have a question…. any question!! Ask your Twitter followers. You are bound to get many different answers.

So much less interrupting than standard IM’s. - People can send me a quick message that is direct and to the point and I’m good.

Know what your friends are doing. It’s really cool to know what the friends you have been networking with are doing every once and a while. Makes their physical distance from you seen a little less far. And, many of the friends I have been networking with on Twitter live very, very far away.

No popular crowd . Even the "Major Players" on my Twitter Following list seem to participate a lot!! They converse with everyone it seems. I do come across a few that seem to keep to keep to themselves or talk amongst a smaller crowd. But, everyone has their own method of using Twitter, so I won’t judge them. Whatever works for them.

Quick Direct Messages to followers. Direct Messages are perfect if the topic is a bit more private and I don’t want it on the Public Timeline.

Time Management Ideas from Many. All of the Time Management advice has been brilliant. And, once I try to apply them to my life…. they probably even work.

A following in no time - There is something very “Rock Star” about that.

Those are just some of my many reasons I am going to stick with Twitter. I adore it and it is going to be part of my daily Social Media activity for a long time.

Still, unsure about Twitter…

…here are 26 links to fabulous articles and posts that explain in many different and unique ways why you should be using Twitter regularly. And, how to use Twitter in the most productive and lucrative ways possible.

Twitter Guides

How to Use Twitter - Tips for Bloggers - Darren of ProBlogger has been writing a lot about Twitter in the last week…. and it is really amazing stuff. This post Darren gets very detailed in this "How to Use Twitter" post.

Newbie’s guide to Twitter - Rafe Needleman of Webware offers a very basic guide for Newbies on using Twitter.

Mobile Instant Messaging Meets Social Networking: Twitter - A Beginner’s Guide - MasterNewMedia.org puts together a detailed Guide to Twitter for Beginner’s.

Your Guide to Micro-Blogging and Twitter - Mark Glaser at Media Shift writes his guide to Twitter and Micro-Blogging in general.

The 12-Minute Definitive Guide to Twitter - Fred Stutzman of AOL Developer Network writes a general guide to Twitter. The 12-minute part has nothing to do with the Guide’s length or the amount of time to read it. Fred just titled the article using the 12-minute time to coincide with Twitter’s short 140 character limitations… short and sweet. Hence, 12-minute Twitter Guide…. short and sweet.

Advanced Twitter: Don’t Tweet Like A n00b - Brian Oberkirch offers some friendly usage guidelines:

Twitter for Professionals (Marketing, Business)

Twitter: More Than Messaging, It Can Generate Traffic - Neil Patel shows you how Twitter can be used to generate traffic to your site.

Guide to Twitter as a Tool for Marketing and PR - Lee Odden puts together some thoughts on using Twitter as a Marketing Tools. Plus, Lee includes Tips from Twitters themselves.

17 Ways You Can Use Twitter: A Guide for Beginners, Marketers and Business Owner - You can always count on Maki of DoshDosh to put together an amazing Guide…. and here he doesn’t let me down Check out Maki’s Twitter Guide to use Twitter for Marketing.

The Big Juicy Twitter Guide - Caroline Middlebrook put together this amazing Twitter Guide….. This guide is well known all over the Blogosphere for explaining how to use Twitter successfully for Marketing purposes.

Eight Ways Twitter is Useful Professionally - Anne Zelenka of WebWorkerDaily explains 8 ways that you can use Twitter Professionally.

Web Strategy: What the Web Strategist should know about Twitter - Jeremiah Owyang of Web-Strategist.com wrote this amazing post that will serve as a guide to come up with a Web Strategy using Twitter.

A Few Non-boring Ways to Use Twitter For Marketing - Rohit of Influential Marketing Blog comes up with some non-boring ways to use Twitter for Marketing.

7 Ways Marketers Can Use Twitter - Ann Handley writes this post for Marketing Profs Daily Fix in regards to how Twitter has a real use for media companies and social-media-savvy brands.

Using Twitter as a Marketing Tool - Carlos Granier-Phelps explains how you can immediately reach your clients with breaking news at zero cost by using Twitter.

Twitter Tips

Twitter: Use it Productively - Sometimes it can be difficult to see how to use Twitter productively. Here Craig Childs gives you tips how to be productive using Twitter.

The Several Habits of Wildly Successful Twitter Users - Bren from SlackerManager offers some Twitter tips and advice.

The 10 ways I learned to use Twitter in 2007… (aka Why and How I use Twitter) - Dan York of Disruptive Conversations gives 10 of his best tips he learned in 2007…. trust me, they will still work in 2008.

10 Ways Twitter Can Boost Your Social News Profile - Dan Zarrella writes a Guest Post for ReadWriteWeb about the 10 ways you can boost Social Networking Profiles using Twitter.

5 Ways to Use Twitter for Good - Chris Brogran writes this great post on LifeHack.org on different ways to productively use Twitter.

Confessions of a Twitter Convert - Adam C. Engst of TidBits Networking writes a post confessing his feelings on Twittter and tips on how it works.

Twitter is Paying My Rent - Marshall Kirkpatrick writes this post giving you pointers on using Twitter…. keep in mind that Marshall states that Twitter pays his rent. So, I would totally recommend you follow these tips!!

How Twitter Made My Website Better - Guy Kawasaki answer’s Chris Brogan’s Request by writing this post on how Twitter made his Website Better.

Using Twitter to Help Communities - Nate Ritter explains how non-profits could best put Twitter to good use. Very Cool!!

Twitter Me This: Brainstorming Potential Educational Uses for Twitter - Christopher D. Sessums comes up with uses for Twitter in Educational Settings.

35 Twitter Tips from 35 Twitter Users - Darren asks he Twitter Followers for Twitter tips and he was now let down. Here are 35 Twitter Tips from 35 of his Twitter Followers.

200+ Internet Marketing Gurus on Twitter - Brian Chappell wrote this post for MarketingPilgrim where he put together a comprehensive list of Internet Marketers that use Twitter.

Technorati Tags:twitter, social media, blogging, social networking, web 2.0, social media marketing, online marketing, internet marketing